Envy of the Gifts

So Im gonna be real honest and real with you in this post....I get jealous,I get jealous of the spiritual gifts and growth other Christians display....Not very Christ like is it?But I can not deny that I do get jealous about these things.

It bothered me a lot that I would get envious over the gifts God gave others,I mean these are my brothers and sisters in Christ and yet I had the nerve to get jealous when  they operate in their gifts.So I decided to pray about it.I saw no better or perfect solution than to simply lay may feelings at my Fathers feet and ask Him to reveal in me the ISSUES that made me feel that way.We are always so quick to want to put a quick fix on the problem "Lord forgive me for being envious, help me be happy for others".And although that is a nice enough prayer,we often need to get to the root of these feelings; "what is causing me to feel this way?".Many times people will say its due to lack of spiritual maturity that people display envy towards others,and although I fully agree with it (yes I am admitting to not being spiritually mature), I also believe that the problem goes much deeper than just a lack of maturity.

See I know that the way I feel is not Christ like,I also know that these are not feelings I want to bear towards my Kingdom family.I want the fruits of the Holy Spirit.So when I asked God to help me with these feelings He simply reminded me to draw near to Him.My feelings of envy was rooted in feeling inadequate to receive these gifts and  operate in them.God is not withholding these gift from me,He has given it to me and when I draw near to Him,I get to know who I really am,what He called me to do and as a result of knowing who am in Christ I begin to operate in my gifts without even realizing it.And when I start to operate in my gifts I start working with others and their gifts.See God does not give one a gift and not the other,we simply need to work it out and as we grow and identify the things that are keeping us away from maturing into our gifts,whether it be fear,inadequacy,what ever it may be ,we are less inclined to feel envy over others.We start to rejoice in their gifts,we are thankful that they are maturing and growing,because than the church will mature and grow.

I am learning to have a kingdom mind.A mind and heart that operates for the benefit of the kingdom.See my feelings of inadequacy was rooted in a "me mentality".I forgot to take a step back and see that God did not give us these gifts for personal accomplishment or glorification,He have it to us so that OTHERS may benefit,our gifts are tools to aid us in our kingdom work.God doesn't want us to use these gifts as medals to say what super awesome Christians we are. We are held to a much higher standard than that.

I am learning the true meaning of spiritual gifts through the daily encounters I have with my Father.Often I need reminding,but He is patient with me.I no longer want gifts for the sake of having them,if it brings no glory to God or does not advance the kingdom, I simply see NO purpose in it.Envy is a very dangerous emotion,do not get comfortable thinking that envy is normal and part of life.

So the question is am I still envious?...Sometimes,but I am growing and learning.After all it takes time to truly change and be transformed...Am I at the same place I was before?...No,no I am not.