I have lost It

Have you ever felt that you have lost it?I don't mean lost you mind per say,I mean have you ever lost your faith?Have you ever gotten to a point where you are not to sure that what you believe in is real and that maybe you have spend all this time living a fantasy?I have,I have been at a place in my life where I completely lost it.I felt like everything I ever believed in was a lie,that there is no God and no after life.See when I lost it I was angry with God, Him and I where not exactly on speaking terms.It started with missing one day of prayer,than two,three and than later I simply stopped.I refused to go to church as a matter of fact I wanted nothing to do with God.I felt disappointed, deceived and angry.I reached an all time low.

See I had trusted God for many things,I prayed,I served I tried to live a life free of sin. I though I had whole heartedly given myself to God and all I had to show for it was one disappointment after the other.Nothing was going my way and so I lost my vision and purpose.I didn't know what God wanted me here for, if every door I walked through was slammed tightly in my face.This made me grow bitter and resentful towards God and made me conclude that He simply did not exist.

So I went back to my old living,I partied harder than before,drank more than before,I was completely out of control.However I hid this very well from all my church folks...yes I wasn't going to church, but they still knew me and pride compelled me to keep up a charade.The problem of going back to the world is that everything becomes darker than it was ever before.I had found the light of the world,I had walked with Him I had served Him and than I went back to the world He had saved me from.The enemy wasn't going to make coming back easy.

I finally reached a point where I did not want to live in sin,but I was to ashamed to come back.I felt too far gone to make my way back,I was not even sure if I still knew the direction back to God.This led to severe depression and suicide started to sound real good.My thoughts became so dark and it seemed like I fell deeper and deeper into the darkness.I did not believe God could get me out of this mess,but God wasn't done with me.

The very thing that caused me to turn from God was the one thing that led me back to Him.God worked through the most unlikely people and slowly reminded me of all He has done for me.I was so upset with God that in my anger I had forgotten how good He has been to me,the countless times He got me out a mess I put myself in.God did not rush me,He let me be angry ,He let me rant and rave and He patiently waited for me to finish.God can handle our anger,He is God after all.

I started with little prayers,about 1 min long,they where not the most passionate prayers,but it was a start.I realized I had fallen so far that  I had to built my relationship from scratch.My 1 min prayers went to two and before I knew it God had started to restore things I never knew needed restoring.See He did not deal with my obvious problem,He went to the root of it and removed it from there.I t was a grueling and painful process and so many times I wanted to quit,but He gave me the strength to keep going.

Every day is a process of refinement and sometimes I take four steps forward and ten steps back,but God is patient with me,He knows how many chances I need to finish this race.My relationship with God had to move from a "what can I get" to a "what can I give".If I only seek God for His hand, then I will always be disappointed when God says no.I have to seek His face,His heart and have to learn to love God simply because of who He is and not what he can give me.

Your story may be similar to mine,you may still be in the place of darkness and see no way out,but He makes a way where there seems to be no way.No darkness is to dark,no pit too deep,no sin too sinful,no place to far that God can not go get you out of.
The night is darkest just before dawn,if you are in your darkest moment know that your dawn is on its way..
 Remember Psalm 23 we get so use to something that we forget the promises of God.HE IS OUR SHEPARD

GOD IS MIGHTY TO SAVE!!!