Lies of Abstinence

When we commit to be abstinent we tend to fall into certain believe systems and expectations.Now many people start the abstinence race, but not everyone finishes the race.

Abstaining until marriage is a beautiful gift we give to our future spouses,but why do so many Christians loose heart during the race and give up?I have observed a few lies we as Christians fall into when we commit to abstinence.These observations are not meant to be exclusive or even law,they are just things I have come to realise in my short journey with God.I have fallen prey to many of these lies myself and hope to help prevent others from doing the same.

1)When I decide to abstain I will never be tempted

Very often when we decide to commit ourselves to God and our future spouse through a life of purity we believe that we will never be tempted by lust again.Most often we make the purity commitment at a time when we are either fed up with the "loose" life we are living,after a bad break-up or when we have no significant other in our lives.Under those circumstances it is easy to commit to a life of purity and believe the lie that we will never lust after someone until our wedding day.Just because we decided to abstain,does not mean we will miraculously stop wanting physical intimacy with the opposite sex.

The need to want to become physically close with someone often comes around when we meet someone we truly believe we belong with.You get to grow with this person,emotionally and spiritually and its not long until you want to share that intimacy on a physical level.We start to make excuses such as "God will understand ,we love each other","we are going to get married any way its no big deal if we don't wait", and the excuses continue.That is lust creeping in,because true love WAITS until the day you get married,not a minute before.

2)If I abstain God will send me a spouse

Now you may be wondering why I would put that down as a lie....Well the reason we abstain should not be because we feel God will bless us with a spouse if we do.A life of purity goes far beyond the expectation of receiving a spouse,it is an act of worship to God.See we don't choose purity for the sake of getting a spouse,we choose a life of purity because it pleases God and He has called us to be holy.

To choose purity and abstinence, is a spiritual,emotional and physical decision to honour God, EVEN if that commitment does not result in us getting a spouse.Abstinence is NOT a bargaining chip in exchange for a spouse,it is a choice to daily worship God in spirit and in truth and if it is His will for you to get married than that's great ,if not than that's also great.

3)It is better for women to abstain than men

So very often we as the church have double standards. Abstinence is more often advocated in respect to women than it is to men.Now this is not me trying to be sexist or play the gender card.But some how we have developed a culture where women are expected to be pure for the marriage bed,but is is not a train smash if men are not,after all "guys will be guys".As God's children we are called to a higher standard of living,and I said before; purity is and act of worship.

We should therefore hold our men to the same standard of purity as we do our women, because if we don't we are indirectly condoning impurity in the church.After all, to protect a man's purity is to protect the woman's purity.If we are not to hold our men to remain pure until marriage,where do we think they will lead the women they are in a relationship with to???

“No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” ()

4)I am not actually breaking my vow if I don't physically have sex

Okay so here is the deal,somewhere along the journey we realise that abstinence is not always easy.We don't want to break the promise we made to God ,so we start to look for "loop holes" in the purity "game".We start engaging in other activities which still technically keeps our PHYSICAL purity in check.I will repeat it again purity is not just physical,it goes FAR beyond that.

Purity should be a joy,not something we do until our wedding night.So often many Christians arrive at their wedding nights BARELY holding on to their purity.We will compromise in our standards of physical purity when we start to compromise on the standard of our spiritual and emotional purity.Our purity is directly related to our relationship with God.

Take every thought captive and commit to a life of purity DAILY.We need to put the flesh to death (and that includes our thought lives) and let our life of purity honour God above all else.

“You have heard that the law of Moses says, `Do not commit adultery.’  But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)

“It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret.” (Ephesians 5:12)